My MOH Speech

This weekend my very best friend (who happens to be my cousin) married a terrific guy and I was honored to be asked to be their matron of honor. I'm a major planner, so of course I'd been working on my speech for a few weeks. Perhaps I'd even practiced it, practically memorized it, and timed it out. Of course some ad-libbing was done in the moment, but the heart of the speech stayed the same. Here's how I had it written. I hope that Emily and Jason felt my love when I gave it :)

Good evening! I’m going to assume, since we’re all gathered here tonight, that the second April Fool’s Proposal was not a joke?

For those of you who don’t know me, I am Emily’s cousin and best friend. Emily is a year and a half younger than I am and I really don’t remember life without her. From the very beginning Emily and I have been as close as sisters. At any family gathering, you could find Emily and I together laughing and giggling and generally being goofy—not a whole lot has changed in that respect J. Over the years we’ve gotten into our share of trouble (I know Emily remembers hiding out in my closet all night because we invited her over before asking our Dad, who then said no  AND I’m sure Aunt Marge and Uncle Craig don’t have any stories from the summer I babysat for Emily and Erin).  But wherever Emily and I are together, you can pretty much guarantee that we’re having a good time—whether it was out on the lake lot on those hot summer days, our shopping trips to the New & Used Store, or our Girls’ Vacation to Florida---Emily makes even a boring errand seem a little more fun.  Emily is a great friend and a wonderful “auntie” to my daughter Heidi.

As I’m sure most of you already know, Emily and Jason met while they were both working as CNA’s at St. Clare’s, where they still work.  I first met Jason when he came with Emily to one of our “game nights” with some friends. The thing that struck me first…well, the thing that struck me first was obviously that he’s like 6 and half feet tall and Emily is like 5 feet tall. But the thing that struck me second, was that, he fit right in. Not only did Jason fit right in, but Emily was able to be herself when he was around, which was something I had never seen before. Emily wasn’t worried about acting silly because Jason was acting silly right along side her. When you spend time with Jason and Emily, you can tell that not only do they love each other, but they genuinely like each other, which, I think,  is kind of important. Whether they are singing karaoke or showing off their dance moves on the XBox, riding their bikes around Baraboo, or using whatever their word of the day is, Emily and Jason together just make life better.

I wanted to end my speech with a quote of some kind or a song lyric perhaps that would remind me of Emily and Jason, unfortunately, most of the songs that remind me of Emily and Jason, are ones that we’ve sang perhaps with a cold beverage or two, along to the XBox, and they just didn’t seem fitting. First there was….

·      “We can dance if we want to, we can leave your friends behind, cause your friends don’t dance and if they don’t dance well they’re no friend of mine.”

·      Or there was. “When a problem comes along, you must whip it, before the cream sits out too long, you must whip it…”.

·      And Emily and my favorite to sing together…”I like big butts and I cannot lie, you other brothers can’t deny…” You know the rest.

So, since I couldn’t find the perfect song, so I thought maybe a quote would be better and I found this one that I

·      “Happy marriages begin when we marry the ones we love, and they blossom when we love the ones we marry.”–Tom Mullen

Everyone please join me in raising our glasses to Emily and Jason. May your marriage blossom for many , many years to come. Cheers.

Special and Cool

Conversation with Heidi on the way home today:

H: I want to make something special for you. For keeping.
M: That sounds like a good idea.
H: When we get home I'll do something special. It's a dance. It's a twirl and a booty shake.
M: Sounds cool.
H: It's special.
M: Sounds special.
H: It's special and it's cool.

Conversation at dinner tonight:

M: I thought you were going to do your special dance when we got home?
H: Yeah, after I'm done here. It's lots of twirling and a booty shake.
Daddy: Did you learn that at De's?
H: No, I teach Littlegirlatdaycare to do it.
M: I bet her mom is thrilled.

Proof that even outdoorsy daddies don't "need" a son

Proof #1: Josh came in from bowhunting this evening and told HJ that he had seen a baby deer. Her response, "could I see the baby deer? I could shoot it!"

Proof #2: Heidi trying to talk Josh into staying upstairs to watch TV (not coming downstairs where I was watching TV), "Daddy, you can watch your deer hunting shows up here!"

A Keagen Kind of Day

It's been over two years since Keagen passed away and there are still some days when I just think about him a lot. Maybe it's because it's September (Childhood Cancer Awareness Month). Maybe it's because a certain song comes on the radio--there are so many that remind me of him--today it was the line from When I Die Young that goes, "Lord, make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother. She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under its colors..." I'm not sure what it is on any given day, but some days I just spend a car ride somewhere thinking about my sweet nephew and missing him.

It's been over two years and still the details are so clear to me. I can still remember how I felt that night and the next day and the days that followed. I can almost feel the way my body ached from the inside-out. I remember it all...
I remember the phone call that night and the frantic dressing.
I remember driving with Mom and Grams--all of us hoping it was going to be a "wasted" trip.
I remember arriving in the family room at the hospital and seeing Laura and the family and friends that were gathered.
I remember Laura starting to tell us what she knew when the doctor came in.
I remember his words that broke our hearts and the sound of the sobs in the room.
I remember the first time that I saw Keagen that night. When I really knew that this was the night he'd become an angel.
I remember how I felt standing next to my sister and feeling her agony over the decision she had to make.
I remember seeing Keagen all wrapped up like a burrito in mom and dad's arms.
I remember rubbing his head when we left the hospital and saying "see you on the flip side, buddy."
I remember driving back to Laura's. Each of us in her livingroom not sure what to do next.
I remember crawling into bed and waking up with my alarm to call in to work.
I remember my friend Meagon calling to see if it was Keagen. If he was why I wasn't at work.
I remember sitting in the funeral home and looking at the pictures of the little tiny caskets. Thinking how silly the blue and pink ruffly ones looked.
I remember the wake and being so happy to have a few more minutes to rub his little bald head and tell him how much I loved him.
I remember the service and my heart breaking when they closed the casket--handing Heidi off to Emily because I was sobbing.

There are a lot of things that I don't remember too. I don't remember if Heidi went to daycare the next day and how she got there and who picked her up. I don't remember eating lunch or dinner on any of the days that followed. I don't remember what I wore to the wake or the funeral (I do remember what Keagen wore, though).

But most of the memories are still crystal clear. And on days like today, I relive them all and I miss my sweet nephew so much.

In honor of Childhood Cancer Awareness Month

Last year my sister suggested that we give up something in honor of Childhood Cancer Awareness Month--kind of to signify the sacrifices that cancer kids and their families face. Last year I gave up Mountain Dew. This year, I'm pregnant, so I've already given up alcohol (obviously), caffeine, artificial sweeteners, etc. I just can't envision giving up one of the few things that sounds good to me right now. So, I decided this year to give up something a little different.

For all of September I'm going to give up yelling (at my kid, my husband, the cat, inanimate objects...) and using "mean" words like stupid, moron, etc. I've been really bad lately and feeling bad about it, so I thought this was perfect for the month. And every time I mess up a Quarter will be donated to Childhood Cancer research :) So far I'm 25 cents in the whole for telling DH to "get your stupid credit card back from your dad!"

Wish me luck :)